I Now Pronounce You "In A Relationship With..."

As I was perusing the Sunday Globe this morning, I found myself dwelling amidst the wedding and engagement announcements.

I read them because I'm nosy and it satisfies my preferably sarcastic world view when people publish mundane details, like what color their bouquet was when they got married on the beach in some random New Hampshire town. (Incidentally, it was "pink stock, cream-colored double roses, and bells of Ireland.")

This is the kind of information I'll share at a party.

"I mean, really," I'll say to a girlfriend while we sip mojitos, "who cares what color her bouquet was in July? I mean, hell, if I cared about your bouquet, I should've been at the damn wedding!"

I perused my way through the wedding announcements, and moved on to the engagement announcements, where I found an even more surprising piece of information.

I read, without any initial interest, that so-and-so and so-and-so, the son of these two, and the daughter of who's-her-face and what's-his-name are in love. He does this awesome thing, she does that awesome thing, they went to these schools and now they're telling the world they're getting married.

Typical bullshit, nothing out of the ordinary, and then this:

"The two reunited after 25 years on Facebook."

Are you fucking kidding me?

1. Who cares how the hell you met/reunited/rekindled/fell for one another? You don't read "The two got hammered on New Year's Eve and the relationship blossomed from there on," do you? No. You don't.

2. Getthefuckouttahere that Facebook is a relavant inclusion in your engagement announcement. Puh-leeze. Social networking sites are not that important. (Shit... are they?!)

3. The sentence is a grammatical trainwreck. It sounds like they've been on Facebook for 25 years.

Um, editor? You could have chopped off the "on Facebook" and I would have cruised right past this lovely announcement without even a blip on my sarcastic, overly sensitive, grammatically correct, somewhat bitter, radar screen.

But, instead, you've inspired this post. So, thanks.